What does Santa want?

Have you ever wondered what Santa wants for Christmas?  I mean, the man just gives and gives.  It’s got to be exhausting.  In this altered version of a Christmas classic, Franky Vivid, imagines Santa receiving…

a Burlesque Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a mouse

Our stockings were taut
And our bottoms were bare
In hopes that an audience
Soon would be there

–

The footlights were lit
And us girls were all preened
And poured into our outfits
Oh what a scene!

Spit-black on my eyes
Lips red with carmine
The feel of marabou feathers
Against my behind

–

But despite all our vanity
We frowned at the clock
Who’s hands seemed to crawl
And whose face seemed to mock

For the seats were all empty
And we took not the stage
And my girlfriends and I
Thought we’d die of old age

–

When all of the sudden
I heard such a clatter
So I peeked from the wings
To see what was the matter

When what to my wondering
Eyes did appear?
But a jolly old fat man
With a bag full of gear

–

His look was familiar
And it gave it me great pause
As he said, “Cold you spare
A quick show for me, Claus?”

He looked at me, smiled,
And then said with a cough,
“I’ve got a bag full of goodies
For you to take it all off!”

–

So I said, “What the Hell? -
Show me some love!”
He produced a gold bracelet
And I took off my gloves

–

His bag full of trinkets
Was big as a house
I said, “Whatcha got in there
To trade for my blouse?”

He pulled out a necklace
So shiny it hurt
I hung it on my neck
And slipped out of my shirt.

–

He said, “now there darling
I believe I’ve a ring.
It’s yours for the taking off
Of your stockings.”

–

With the ring on my finger
My silks hit the floor
But jolly St Nicholas
Seemed to want more

He rooted ’round in his bag
Then with a “Hurrah!”
He handed me earrings
And said, “How ’bout the bra?”

–

The earrings were ruby
And looked oh so tasty
So I acquiesced and
And flashed glittering pasties..

–

I cannot explain how
Despite the chill
I stirred on the inside
At this holiday thrill

As I sit wearing only
My riches I see
For this jolly old elf
I’d have done it for free.

–

So I’ve told you the story
And shown you the sight
Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night.

If you are a member of the Naked Girls Book Club, you can hear this poem read by me.

Brought to you by the letter ‘N’

‘N’ is for naked.  Happy 40th anniversary Sesame Street!  Your work has served me well!

On to the blog…

I was really touched by this month’s theme of letters.  We read love letters, hate letters, fan letters, stalker letters, etc.  I think this was one of my favorite readings, surprisingly.  I am touched that people used to sit down and write with a pen and paper.  They wrote something that was worth preserving.  Will we someday be reading old emails?  Do they carry the same weight as a written letter?  Not too sure that they do.

I am not a huge fan of this technology, but of course I can see the benefits, I mean, it puts me in touch with people all over the world!  But what about the history?  Will people save the image they took with me after a show on their hard drive?  Doesn’t seem to be so special, does it?

I have to admit that I’m a bit of an Italian grandma.  I’m paranoid.  I don’t like being on the grid.  I like my checkbook and my pen and paper.  I like to hold things and touch them.  I can’t shop online.  I yell at my computer everyday, but here I am writing a naked blog.  Ahh, bittersweet.

It is imperative that we grow with technology but part of me just longs for the permanence of the tangible.  I worry about the future and the preservation of art and books, but I also worry about my place in it.  Will I be just a blip on this thing called youtube?  How do you preserve live performance?  I suppose video is the way to go, but I wish live performance was something you could hold.  But, as long as the performances live in your memories and stories are told and letters are written, the history will remain.

Table for two, please

I must admit that I was very nervous to read for you all this month.  Scary stories actually scare me!  I suppose that’s the goal, but being scared and naked just didn’t appeal to me.  Maybe it was the goosebumps, which I definitely had this month.  Perhaps you noticed?  Or maybe you were distracted by my naked Charlie Chaplin, complete with a mustache on top and bottom.  Now, that was fun!

In my quest to find something that didn’t scare my pants on, I ran across Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  This was particularly resonating this month.  I’ve always struggled with my two sides (or more at times) and have really been focusing on that this past month and I felt reading this book was very appropriate.  I have this crazy, passionate side and I also have the logical, business side.  It’s tiring and they’re so opposite, and really what I’m looking for is balance.  I’m either one or the other.  I’m very extreme.  Balance is my goal at the moment, and I hope to find it.

I really loved Jekyll and Hyde way more than I thought I would, probably because of all my inner turmoil at the time I was reading it.  If you haven’t read this book, I highly recommend it.  Going into it, I had assumed that there would be these great passages about his physical transformations, but that really wasn’t the focus at all.  I found something better than the transformation of the physical, but the transformation of his inner two selves showing themselves in subtle physical ways.

It was ultimately a tragic story and the evil had won, but the way the author writes is so tactile, so beautiful in a demented way.  If you can read it aloud to yourself, or someone near you willing to listen, the words feel so good in your mouth.

Now, I cannot say that this helped me on my path to balance, but I do feel lighter, and less alone.  I have a feeling this is going to be a constant battle, and I think I’m ok with that.  Makes things interesting, doesn’t it?

A Successful Experiment

On September 4, Studio L’amour hosted ‘So You Wanna Be a Naked Girl?’, a contest for naked girls to read to an audience for the first time.  We had 8 girls reading, and including the regular naked girls, we had 13 naked girls running around the studio!  I couldn’t believe the turn out of the readers and the audience.  When we had decided to do this theme, I really was unsure if ladies would sign up.  Such a vulnerable and brave thing to do!  Kudos ladies!  Yes, we did have some that registered and then dropped out because it was too daunting, but I think 8 girls is respectable.  I’m so proud of what happened on the 4th.

The winner of the event was Sofi Minx.  She is new to the studio and has been taking class with me for about 3 weeks, and before then, she was in the basic burlesque class.  She won a boa, a photo shoot with Pez Photo (aka Jeff Millies), a pair of handmade pasties, tickets to Lipshtick, tickets to Naked Girls Reading, and a session from Studio L’amour.  A nice prize package!

Another fun experiment was opening up Naked Girls Reading in 2 other cities in August; Denver and Dallas.  Both went really well and the audiences were just as excited about the concept as they are in Chicago. The readers and the audience were thanking me for expanding to other cities.  I think we may have hit on something folks!

Do you think more naked girls reading will lead to world peace?

Oh, Just Put Some Clothes On!

That is what I woke up to one Thursday morning as a heading to a review of Naked Girls Reading done by the Chicago Tribune.  Apparently, the journalist didn’t get that Naked Girls Reading would be exactly that.  The title cannot get any more simple.  Now, I understand that not everyone is going to enjoy every performance or show that I do, but what I don’t understand is the need to waste my time in an interview if none of what I said is going to be printed.  That is my issue.  Before this ‘journalist’ came to the show, she interviewed myself and Franky Vivid on the phone for 45min each.  That is a long interview, especially when we’re in LA and trying to open a show out there.  We deemed that this was important enough for our time.  Ok, the story continues.  We land on Aug. 9 at Midway around 4pm, and head to Naked Girls Reading because we have a show that night.  The ‘journalist’ is there and interviewing the other naked girls.  She stays for the whole show and then keeps me and the girls there after the show for another hour.  Again, none of what anyone said was printed.  I really think the story was written before she attended the show.  I really don’t like when my time is wasted.  I could tell that in her questioning, she was trying to get us to say something stupid or offensive.  We didn’t give it to her.  She kept pressing me for other things we could do naked.  I didn’t say anything besides Naked Girls Cooking, because that is an actual idea that we are working on.  Finally, after she had asked that question about 10 times, I asked her if there was anything she wanted to see us do naked.  Well, that certainly flustered her and the interview was done shortly after that.

Another issue I have with this ‘writer’ is her knack for insulting my audience.  She called the guys in the front ‘creepy’.  The guys in the front were not creepy.  They have been to about 3 shows and are very nice and always talk to us about the literature.  I think she wanted them to be creepy because that somehow made this a better article.

I am very protective of my girls and of my audience.  I don’t like when either are insulted.  I can take it all day, but don’t start attacking the girls I work with or the people that are fans of what we do.  Granted, the fact that the girls are naked will get people in the door, but it’s the literature that keeps them coming back.  I believe that this event is beautiful and embraces sexuality and intelligence.  I am proud of it.  I cannot help if there are angry feminist writers out there, but what I can do is continue to do this event that is full of love and beauty.

I will see you all next month for ‘So You Wanna be a Naked Girl’.  If you do, please fill out the form HERE and you are in!

Give Her a Pattern

In celebration of our country’s indepence, the Naked Girls theme was ‘Freedom of Choice’. I chose to read a story by D.H. Lawrence called Give Her a Pattern.  I found it in a photography book called Divas and Lovers by a husband and wife team called Studio Manasse.  When I found this story about a year ago, I was so excited because I felt that it said all the things I was thinking.  At the time I found this, I was observing a lot of women playing ‘characters’ to attract the opposite sex.  They weren’t being true to themselves and I found it so tiring.  I also recognized that I had done this in my past, and the scary thing was that I was really good at it!  I do consider it part of my job to help women find their true selves in order to not depict these ‘characters’ and I hope that I can achieve this.  After reading this story, I was asked by an audience member, ‘When do you think women find their true selves?’  I said, that sadly, not all women do, but it is my hope that what we are doing will help.

Here are some excerpts from the story:

The real trouble about women is that they must always go on trying to adapt themselves to men’s theories of women, as they always have done.  When a woman is thoroughly herself, she is being what her type of man wants her to be.  When a woman is hysterical it’s because she doesn’t quite know what to be, which pattern to follow, which man’s picture of woman to live up to.

The women aren’t fools, but they must live up to some pattern or other.  They know men are fools.  They don’t really respect the pattern.  Yet a pattern they must have, or they can’t exist.

Women are not fools.   They have their own logic, even if it’s not the masculine sort.  Women have the logic of emotion, men have the logic of reason.  The two are complementary and mostly in opposition.  But the woman’s logic of emotion is no less real and inexorable than the man’s logic of reason.  It only works differently.

If they [men] want anything from women, let them give women a decent, satisfying idea of womanhood – not these trick patterns of washed-out idiots.

———————————–

Now, let me say that I am not man bashing.  I love them and respect them.  I found this piece to be exciting because I was feeling disappointed in women because I observed them doing this and I recognized it in myself.  I think men and women share the responsibility in this ‘pattern making’ and it is good to recognize that it exists.  All I want is for women to know that this doesn’t have to continue and we can make our own patterns that all will respect.

To Be Honest

On June 12, 2009, me and the Naked Girls read you poetry.  Poetry is a daunting subject but I feel that it was made accessible that evening.  I really think that poetry must be read aloud in order to feel all the nuance of the language and the rhythm (of course, being naked doesn’t hurt).  I knew that after that event, I had to write this blog.  I felt pressure because I wasn’t really sure what to say about it all, but after a discussion I was having this morning, I had a realization:  in order for a poem to be good, it must be honest.  I say this about my own art form, dance and striptease, but I didn’t make that connection to poetry until this morning.  Sometimes, things just need to marinate a little bit in my head before I make a connection.

Honest poetry is so vulnerable and naked.  I know that we were physically naked, but that isn’t daunting to me, but if you told me to write a poem right now, I would be really nervous.  I have such an appreciation for people who can express themselves honestly in writing.  Even writing this blog is a stretch for me.  I don’t keep a journal because writing makes me feel nervous and I’m too judgemental of myself to allow myself to be honest in writing.  Strangely though, I can do it physically thru dance.  Interesting how that works, isn’t it?  I also feel uncomfortable with writing because it’s so permanent!  I can change a dance on the spot, or in the future, to more accurately express myself, but once you write something, it’s done.  Wow, look at me, just had another realization.

So, now, I urge you to have your own realizations.  How is it that you can express yourself with honesty?

I Don’t Give a Damn ‘Bout My Bad Reputation

Every little girl wants to grow up to be a rock star, right? No?  Well, I did, and I still do.  I love them!  They are one of my main sources of inspiration for my burlesque performances.  I love how they command attention and they don’t apologize for it.  That’s power!  That’s what I strive for when I’m on stage.  It’s not sexy to apologize for being nearly naked.  You must own it!  Some of my favorite stars are Iggy Pop, Chris Corner, and did I mention Iggy Pop?  Of course, love the ladies too…Joan Jett wins me on that one.  But, the strange thing is, I have zero desire to be the front man.  I’m super embarrassed to sing in front of people.  Terrifying!  Maybe one day I will break out my shell, but for now, I will just stick to stripping for strangers.  So, if I had my way, I would love to play the drums or bass.  I think I gravitate to those instruments because they are the soul of the music.  I’m all about soul people.

I know most of you are familiar with my burlesque doings, but I thought I would include some rocking out photos for all of you.  I’m a girl with many sides.  You think you’ve seen them all, but there’s so much more!

Photo By Chris Constentino for Love, Lulu Mae for L’amour Couture

Photo by Pez from Big Sexy Show

Photo by Marc Smith after my Joan Jett ‘Do You Wanna Touch’ performance at Lucha Va Voom

With Sir Franky Vivid

Bed Time

This month we read bed time stories to you and I fell in love with the genre.  I love the concept of being read to until you fall asleep.  There is a rhythm in all of the stories that we read, even the dark ones, that just calms you.  Fascinating!  We ended the evening with Goodnight Moon, a classic.  I was surprised at how moving it was.  It was so sweet, I almost cried.  If you were there, perhaps you felt it too?

Personally, bed time is my favorite time of day.  I love wrapping myself up in the sheets, putting on my sleep mask, and shutting out the world.  There’s also something very energizing about it for me.  I could be down and low energy all day, and then once I’m in bed, I suddenly want to talk and be talked to, which isn’t terribly exciting for my lover.  Sorry babe!  I suppose I could always hire someone to talk to me in bed.  Times are tough.  Any takers?  Or, I could just post a listing on Craigslist.  How ’bout it Mimi First?

See you next month for Naked Girls ROCK!  So excited!

A quote from John Steinbeck

There is something very attractive to men about a madam.  She combines the brains of a businessman, the toughness of a prize fighter, the warmth of a companion, the humor of a tragedian.  Myths collect about her…John Steinbeck